This post gathers some of the best rules of thumb that every well-spoken lady lives by. If you want to elevate yourself and come across more sophisticated and classy in your interactions, consider adopting some of these principles to the standards you conduct yourself by.
Rules Every Well-Spoken Lady Lives By:
1. She knows how to begin a conversation
There are many great ways to begin a conversation. One of the best strategies is to try to find common ground in a discreet and sophisticated way. When you find something you have in common with the person you are speaking with, you instantly plant a seed of trust.
When people feel you are a mirror, in some way, of them, they slowly take down their walls so you can continue to establish trust. Knowing how to begin a conversation in an elegant and sophisticated way is crucial for a well-spoken lady.
2. She knows how to deal with an unpleasant conversation
A key skill to being classy in conversation is knowing how to deal with unpleasant topics and questions. The key here is knowing how to hold your tongue and take on the position of an observer in these situations.
Know that just because someone else is voicing their opinion on something does not mean you agree with them or feel the same. When you allow the other person to sit in their own discomfort and you separate yourself internally from the conversation, you maintain your own power.
3. A well-spoken lady nevers speak with her mouth full, even on the phone
This seems to go without saying, however we still see it happen here and there. We might even catch ourselves in the act at times. It’s a rule of thumb for any classy lady, just don’t speak with your mouth full, ever. It’s not nice.
4. A well-spoken lady allows others to finish their sentences
When others are speaking, ensure you are a gracious and respectful listener. No one wants someone to finish their sentences for them or interrupt them when they are speaking. Always let others finish what they are saying before you choose to respond.
5. A well-spoken lady never takes part in major arguments over minor issues
When we lose control and let our emotions get the best of us, it appears tacky. If you want to be more sophisticated and elegant, then you must learn how to control your emotions and stay out of major arguments over small, unimportant issues.
6. A well-spoken lady is slow to judge the actions of others
Any confident and empowered woman knows that life can be really hard, and we are all just trying to figure it out. A classy, elevated woman does not judge the actions of others, at least not quickly. She’s an observer and gathers information from multiple angles prior to forming an opinion about something.
Generally speaking though, opinions about others should be loose and ever changing. There is no rule book that says you need to form a definite opinion or judgement over every person you encounter. Sometimes it’s best to just observe and let it go. Don’t allow your brain to go to the next level of judging or forming an opinion. You don’t know what someone is going through or what it’s like to be them.
7. She keeps her opinions to herself
A key element of being classy and sophisticated is having composure and knowing how to keep your opinions to yourself. An elegant lady is charming and enjoyable to be around. She’s attractive and graceful.
This means she is confident in her beliefs and opinions and knows that she does not need to justify them to others or need to convince others to think they same way as her.
8. She uses correct grammar without sounding stuck up and overly grand
A great way to improve your speech is to read more books. By reading classic literature you will naturally expand your vocabulary and elevate your sentence structure. A key trait of anyone well-spoken is to speak with proper grammar without sounding stuck up or unpleasant to be around.
9. A well-spoken lady knows to only use phrases that she is absolutely certain of their meaning and pronunciation
It’s important to never use a phrase or statement that you aren’t sure of the meaning. You risk saying the wrong thing, offending others, and appearing just inappropriate and uneducated. Ensure you only every use phrases and words that you are absolutely certain of their meaning and pronunciation.
10. She knows how to appropriately address others in various settings
There are so many different ways to address others depending on the situation and context. When in doubt, always use formal language. If you are unsure how to address someone, it’s more polite to use a formal greeting than to come across as too informal.
Know cultural differences. Some cultures prefer terms like ma’am and sir more than others, for example in the south. By learning the appropriateness of these terms based on geography can help you.
Always use eye contact and handshakes. It’s always polite when addressing someone or meeting them for the first time to greet them with a soft smile, gentle eye contact and a confident handshake.
11. A well-spoken lady knows to never raise her voice or shout to others
Shouting and being aggressive is masculine and not ladylike. A sophisticated and classy woman does not raise her voice or yell at others. It’s childish and ineffective.
12. She knows how to ask for what she needs confidently and respectfully
An elevated, elite woman is confident and knows what she wants. She avoids using “like” or “um” and does not over use the word “sorry.” Also, she asks for what she needs politely and clearly. She is direct and respectful in her communication.
13. A well-spoken lady knows to never apologize unless she has given an offense
As mentioned earlier, an elegant woman who is well-spoken knows not to overuse the term “sorry.” There is nothing to apologize for if an offense has not been committed. Over using the word sorry comes across as insecure and shows a lack of confidence.
For example if you’re at a restaurant and would like to borrow an unoccupied chair from a table, simply say “Excuse me, is this chair being occupied? May I please use it?” There’s no need to say “Hi, I’m sorry but is this chair being used? Can I please use it? Okay, sorry for interrupting. You’re a lifesaver, thank you so much!” The second option is just overkill and unnecessary. Simply be kind, polite and respectful but don’t apologize if you didn’t do anything wrong. Clear and concise is the goal in all communication of a well-spoken lady.
14. She knows to never ask someone their age
It’s just unnecessary and not appropriate. Don’t do it.
15. A well-spoken lady knows not to use her cell phone when at the table with others
To be taken seriously and treated like the sophisticated and intellectual adult you are (or would like to become), get off your phone. Being on your cell-phone unnecessarily (ie. to scroll social media, browse online, online shop, etc.) displays a lack of respect for your company and their time.
Being on your phone unnecessarily while with others communicates that what is on your phone is more valuable, interested and important than the people in front of you. It’s not classy and honestly is just immature.
16. She knows how to politely decline an invitation
If you can’t attend an event or simply don’t want to, it’s okay to decline it. There’s no need to overly apologize or lie or overdo it. You are a human being and are entitled to have other plans or other preferences. Here’s an example how to decline an event with poise.
Thank you for inviting me to your party. Unfortunately, I already have plans for that night, so I won’t be able to attend. I hope you have a wonderful time celebrating this special occasion.
17. A well-spoken lady knows to remain silent during foolish arguments, as logic is useless in the war against irrationality.
As said in the headline, logic is useless int he war against irrationality. If someone else is heated and being dramatic in arguing about something, it’s best to remain silent until they calm down. If you are calm and try arguing back with logic, it will be ineffective.
Maintain your composure like an elevated, sophisticated woman would and just keep your mouth shut until the other person comes to their senses.
18. She knows that the best kind of small talk consists of asking questions and not volunteering information about herself
One of the best kept secrets in communicating with others is that people love to talk about themselves. Ultimately, no one really cares what’s going on in your life. When people overshare about themselves it can be very annoying and boring.
A well-spoken woman knows that the best kind of small talk consists of asking the other person respectful and non-intrusive questions about themselves. This establishes trust and makes the other person like you more. Being a great listener is a golden skill in communication and in relationships.
19. A well-spoken lady knows not to brag about her accomplishments or those of her family
Being humble and not boasting or bragging is crucial for an elegant, classy woman. It’s best to know deep down how great and awesome you and your family are. Others will know too, in time. It’s much more effective when people find things out organically and not from you bragging to them.
20. A well-spoken lady knows how to make an apology and how to accept one
Keep in mind that “I’m sorry” is a two-word phrase, and you should avoid just saying “sorry” as it sounds unauthentic. Sometimes saying “I’m sorry” can be very difficult, but the weight of walking around with the burden of knowing you have not made amends for doing something hurtful to another person is much worse.
You should always say “I’m sorry” without adding a “but.” Using the word “but” after saying something kind disqualifies the kindness in your words. It makes the genuine intention become invalid.
When you add a “but” it sounds like an excuse for what you did or didn’t do, and it feels like you aren’t taking full responsibility for your offense, making your apology worthless.
Keep in mind that when you do something hurtful or wrong, the sooner you say “I’m sorry,” and take accountability, the sooner everyone will feel better. You should never expect anything in return for your apology and should feel very grateful if your apology is graciously accepted.
21. She knows how to extend a compliment as well as how to receive one
If someone compliments you, there is one way to respond. “Thank you.” Don’t reject the compliment, don’t point out your flaws or say anything that makes you sound insecure and not confident. An elevated woman knows how to accept a compliment and how to extend one.
22. She knows how to make a proper introduction
If introducing two people to each other, try to only say their names once, for example, “Sally, I’d like you to meet Tim.” Not “Sally meet Tim, Tim this is Sally.” It sounds juvenile and confusing. Just say the names once.
In addition, if you are in a large group, always introduce the guest of honor first. After that, introduce people in order of how close you are to them, and then by age, beginning with the eldest.
If you’re introducing two people with intentions of them conversing, always introduce with a common factor to tie them together, such as, “Sally I’d like you to meet Tim, like you, he also attended Yale University for undergrad.” By giving people a commonality right off the bat, you tie them together and make them each much more comfortable talking with each other.
23. A well-spoken lady knows how to give a proper handshake
It doesn’t matter how feminine and petite you are, no one likes a dead fish handshake. A handshake communicates a lot about a person. Too rough is… too rough. You want to get it just right. Give a handshake that communicates you are proper, respectful and confident.
While giving a handshake, always make eye contact, smile, and stand up straight and keep your chin parallel to the floor. Two shakes is standard for meeting a new person in a casual setting.
24. She knows how to not spread rumors or share sensitive information about herself or others
It’s tacky to talk about others and spread rumors. It’s also tacky to share sensitive information about yourself or others. If you want to elevate yourself and level up then avoid these topics of conversation. Speak about more interesting things and simply be more interesting yourself. Being addicted to gossip and talking about other people’s lives is unattractive and low class.
25. A well-spoken lady knows how to listen well
Being a good listener is crucial to success in life, business, marriage, relationships and so on. Shut your lips and listen. You will be so amazed at how much more information you obtain when you listen with intention and observe more than you speak.